Graham Norton on true love this Valentine's Day
As Valentine’s Day approaches, Graham Norton asks why we still believe in love, revisits your stories of hope and heartbreak and offers his tips for a successful relationship.
Graham Norton debates the significance of Valentine's Day.
By Graham Norton
6:30AM GMT 11 Feb 2012
Dear Reader,
Valentine’s Day – who exactly is it for? If you are single, you wake up in an empty bed that tells you that your entire life is pointless. For people with a partner it highlights all the cracks in their relationship and reminds them of how happy they once were. If, by some remote possibility, you spend the day having a blissfully romantic time with your one true love, trust me and the rest of the world – it won’t last.
When I worked in restaurants Valentine’s night was the shift none of us wanted. This wasn’t because we had lives but because that night was always the most depressing and least lucrative of the year. We would be packed out with ill-at-ease couples who ordered half bottles of wine – seriously? – and were ignorant of the art of tipping. It was a room full of people pretending for a few hours to be happy but at the same time terrified that something might uncork the great bottle of despair hidden in their hearts. It made no sense to me. Why were these people so determined to be in a “couple” when clearly it was bringing them no joy at all?
For all its chocolates covered in pink foil and awkward heart-shaped cushions, Valentine’s Day does serve one useful purpose – whether you’re single or taken. It forces us to examine romantic relationships and ask ourselves why we are so driven to be part of one. If you’re in a relationship, ask yourself if it’s good enough for you. Could you make it better? If you’re single, have a think about whether you want to find love, and if you do, how you should go about it.
Judging by my postbag, the readers of the Telegraph can be divided into two camps: those people who can’t find a partner; and those who have managed to get one, and are now deeply unhappy. Love may make the world go round, but it makes human beings go round the bend.
Between the start and finish of a relationship there are a myriad dilemmas – I know this, because you moan about them in your letters. Some problems are insurmountable, others are a blip, but most fall somewhere in between and it’s a bit of a guessing game as to whether you soldier on or call it quits. You need to ask yourself if your life will be better together or apart, and remember that no relationship is perfect. Whether you stay or go should depend on your emotional bank balance. Your partner made a large withdrawal when he hurt you; is there anything left in the account? I bravely tell myself sometimes that I’d rather be miserable alone than miserable with someone else. But what if the misery was only temporary?
On balance, I receive more letters of complaint from disgruntled singletons, than from people in relationships. I suppose they have more time on their hands. On Tuesday morning, when Valentine’s Day dawns and there’s no red envelope on the doormat, you will probably tell yourself that it is impossible to meet anyone these days. I refuse to believe it was ever easy. The internet may seem like a cold, unromantic route to take but be grateful it exists. Remember, there’s a lid for every pot but it’s a lot easier to find a match online than trudging to every shop in the land. Imagine how much simpler it would have been for Prince Charming if he could have just posted a message on Facebook asking people to send him their shoe size with a mugshot.
Another vital thing singletons must realise is that your life won’t suddenly begin when you meet a partner. Life has already started, so you had better be enjoying it. Why would anyone want to share your life if you can’t tolerate it yourself? A relationship should add to a life, not provide one.
For those of you struggling to get over a lost love, Valentine’s Day will be tough. There’s no way around it. I receive countless letters from the broken-hearted and I’m always frustrated that I can’t reply with a formula that will help. Only time will tell how long your heart will take to heal. Personally I find that finding some random stranger to fixate on takes my mind off things, but then I am a shallow creature and have never been through the trauma of a marriage ending when there are children involved, be it through divorce or bereavement.
The heart defies explanation. I can’t tell you why we put ourselves through such anguish and heartache. I just know that deep down we all want to feel loved. Remember how you felt when you looked up and saw your loved one smiling at you and your heart soared? A certain song comes on the radio and you feel part of something greater and better than yourself. An arm wraps around your shoulder at a funeral and you know that life will go on.
Valentine’s Day may be overblown commercial nonsense, but if it reminds us for a moment that life isn’t just about getting to work on time and putting the bins out, then it has served its lace-trimmed, heart-shaped purpose.
S.W.A.L.K
Graham
The top most romantic songs, which are of high demand, are:
1. Tears for Fears - Head Over Heels
2. Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
3. Rupert Holmes - Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
4. Amy Grant - Baby Baby
5. Anne Murray - You Needed Me
6. Barbra Streisand - Love Theme From 'A Star Is Born' (Evergreen)
7. Melanie - Brand New Key
8. Savage Garden - Truly, Madly, Deeply
9. Orleans - Still the One
"'Love is like a card game. You start by playing with two hearts and one player wants the diamond. It ends with one or both players wanting a club and a spade.'" From blogcritic